Career Anger in the mist of self reflection of who I am today .
I started a new job about less than 90 days ago and I thought it would be the perfect job for me. It has a great mesh of education , teacher interaction without the pressures of being a teacher ,also the admin side and then I was an manager so I was earning a private lesson of what It means to work alone . I wanted out to teaching completely and I chose this job because I looked for so long without hope. When this came along I didn’t in fact contemplate this position I just took it impulsively.
When I first started as any new job it was like walking on a cloud . I found it odd that I was the only African American woman there and in hopes they were starting fresh because of diversity. I would hear chatter about my skin color , that I was just a teacher and little small micro aggressions that made me feel insecure. I thought well it will fade your still getting your feet wet they don’t trust you because they don’t fully know you yet .
Then they started calling me the new “Rebecca” being as I was replacing her I found it directly disrespectful that they would associate and old employee with myself . I began to feel extremely uncomfortable and then I started doubting my own work ethics . I know that I have strong skills in the work place I enjoyed the freedom of this job but there was no formal training . When i asked for formal training i was denied and held to know all the standards.I was being forced to comply to the way they did things without fully learning the culture of the work place or without fully understanding what they expected of me .
I felt insecure and when I would confide to my direct boss she would assure me that I was doing a wonderful job but how ? I didn’t in fact feel confident I was the complete opposite overwhelmed, blocked , against a wall and simply that i didn’t understand all the moving pieces that went along with the position.
One employee in fact was suppose to be like my assistant I understood that I was coming into a world where everything was new so I leaned on them for comfort. As I noticed the employee would go back in forth with the woman who was in my role before she still had access to files in the company . I thought how could this still be ? Are they using me ?
The employee started becoming very aggressive towards me ; talking about me to other employees and having secret meetings with people who i had no idea what was going on . In fact I felt she was trying to cut me out the equation all togather . I started doubting my job security that I desperately needed being as though my wedding is quickly approaching.
In fact they fired me this Tuesday and i felt my whole world was crushed . They waited untill I was out of town to call and fire me over the phone which i felt was planned and beyond unprofessional from me speaking up about being harassed .See harassment doesn’t come in the form of physical it’s also verbal and in fact I was being demanded by employee who was working there long before me who wanted something so quick she wanted to force me to do it . When I got fired I was completely upset but now I can’t help but to feel and realize that it is a sign from god that I shouldn’t of chosen to work there and something greater will come along even better than the opportunity I was presented with .
I think god places you through things for a reason to show that you may not want this anymore or either make you see that you need to re-evaluate some things. In fact I wasn’t happy in the new job , it didn’t fit me I tried to make it fit but it wasn’t me at all , I was losing who I was in the work place and I can accept and say that aloud now .
As i stroll the job market once again I only pray that I get paired with a job that allows me to be who I am. Speak up no matter what it is and I did and it costed me my job . But I didn’t lose who I was I learned that it is ok to not stay in a situation that makes you feel Insecure, second guess yourself , make you feel anxious and just all around like you are not good enough . I am ENOUGH AND I WILL PASS THIS TEST . And I chose to not stay at a job who treated me poorly so early on into the position. In fact I spoke up about being harassed and the company then viewed me as a problem ! If speaking up wasn’t right then I would of never been fired or maybe I would of for someone who thought they could do a much better job than I did .
At the end of the day I chose me !